Communication Happens on the Terms of the Listener
6/21/20262 min read
One of the most common frustrations I hear from leaders and coaches sounds something like this:
"I've told them multiple times."
"I've been clear about what I expect."
"I don't know why the message isn't getting through."
In most cases, the issue isn't that communication isn't happening. It's that communication is being judged by what was said rather than what was understood.
As leaders, we often evaluate communication based on our intent. We know what we meant. We know why we said it. We know the context behind our words.
But the people receiving the message don't have access to any of that.
They only have their interpretation.
That's why communication happens on the terms of the listener, not the speaker.
The most effective leaders and coaches understand that their job isn't simply to deliver information. Their job is to help people receive, understand and act on it.
That requires us to think beyond the message itself.
We need to consider how it will land.
How will this individual perceive what I'm saying?
What assumptions might they make?
What emotions could this conversation create?
What experiences are they bringing into this situation?
The same message can create completely different responses depending on who is hearing it.
A piece of feedback that motivates one person might discourage another. A challenge that excites one team member might overwhelm someone else. A direct conversation that one athlete appreciates might feel confrontational to another.
Great communication starts with understanding the person in front of you.
It also requires us to think carefully about when and where conversations happen.
Not every message needs to be delivered immediately.
Sometimes timing is the difference between a productive conversation and a wasted one.
If someone is frustrated, distracted or emotionally charged, they may not be in a position to hear what you're trying to say. Equally, conversations that require trust, vulnerability or reflection deserve the right environment.
Yet many leaders unintentionally treat communication as a transaction.
Information is shared. The box is ticked. Job done.
But communication isn't measured by delivery. It's measured by understanding.
The level of detail we provide matters too.
Some people need context before they can commit. Others need simple, clear direction. Some want the bigger picture. Others need to know exactly what the next step looks like.
Providing too little information can create confusion. Providing too much can create overwhelm.
The skill is knowing what this person needs, at this moment, to move forward.
That's why leadership and coaching are ultimately people skills.
The challenge isn't simply finding the right words. The challenge is understanding the audience.
Before your next important conversation, ask yourself:
Am I focused on what I want to say, or on what they need to hear?
The answer may determine whether your message creates clarity, confusion, motivation or resistance.
Because communication isn't complete when we speak.
It's complete when the other person understands.